37 and Becoming: Letting Go, Relearning, and Reclaiming My Life
Turning 37, I’m letting go of old expectations, embracing healing, and reclaiming my life with clarity and purpose. A reflection on boundaries, emotional growth, and becoming who I was always meant to be.
I turned 37 today. It’s not a milestone birthday in the traditional sense, but it feels more significant than any other. It feels like a quiet transformation—a deep inhale before a new chapter begins. This year, more than ever, I’ve been looking inward. Reflecting. Unlearning. Choosing myself in ways I never thought I had permission to.
If you’re reading this, maybe you’re in a similar place. Maybe you’ve been the responsible one for far too long. Maybe you’ve carried burdens that weren’t yours to begin with. Or maybe you’re just learning how to finally let go. Either way, I hope you find a part of your story in mine.
Walking Away from “Stability” to Reclaim My Life
One of the scariest decisions I made in my adult life was when I resigned from a job I had been doing for years. It was a job that many would consider “okay.” It paid the bills. But what it didn’t have anymore… was me.
I had outgrown it, emotionally and mentally. I stayed longer than I should have, convincing myself it would get better. That I just needed to push through. I ignored the signs—burnout, restlessness, the creeping sense of disconnect. Until one day I had to admit: I was holding on because of the sunk cost fallacy.
That psychological bias—the idea that we must stick with something because we’ve already invested so much time, energy, or money into it—keeps so many of us stuck in places we’ve outgrown. We stay in relationships, jobs, even roles within our families, simply because of what we’ve already poured in.
But I’ve learned that the longer we stay in places we don’t belong, the more we delay the life that’s waiting for us. Leaving that job helped me rediscover myself. I realized how much I had been missing: time to reflect, space to dream, and energy to pursue what I love.
Now, I value autonomy more than ever—the freedom to wake up and choose how I spend my day, what I learn, and who I become.
A Gentle But Firm Goodbye to the Family “Fixer” Role
For years, I carried the invisible weight of being the “strong one.” The firstborn daughter. The one who always had a plan. The one who sent her siblings to school. The one who made sacrifices behind the scenes, because that’s what love looks like, right?
But somewhere along the way, I began to realize: I was planning lives that weren’t mine.
I had mapped out dreams for them—thinking that if I just worked hard enough, they would see what I saw. I had this vision of all of us rising together, leveling up together. I thought they’d want what I wanted for them.
But here’s the truth that changed everything:
Even the best intentions can miss the mark if they don’t align with someone’s own readiness.
Some of my siblings didn’t value education the way I did. Some were never interested in school to begin with. I had expectations for their success, but they had no interest in following that path. At first, I felt disappointed. Confused. Even betrayed. I thought, After everything I did…
But that’s when I began learning about autonomy support—the psychological concept that people thrive when they’re given the space to make their own choices, not just follow others’ plans.
Everyone grows at their own pace. Some take smoother paths. Others choose more complicated routes. Some aren’t ready to change. And that’s okay. What matters is not that they follow my plan, but that they learn in their own time.
Letting Go of Being Emotionally Responsible for Everyone
Part of my growth this year was admitting that I had become emotionally enmeshed with my family’s well-being. I wasn’t just helping—I was absorbing. Their struggles felt like mine to fix. Their happiness felt like my responsibility.
I lived in a constant state of over-functioning, while others under-functioned. And deep down, I was exhausted.
But through journaling and books, I discovered how common this is—especially for eldest daughters in collectivist cultures like ours. We’re taught that sacrifice is love, even when it costs us our identity.
Now, I know this:
I am not responsible for everyone’s healing, success, or happiness.
I can support without overextending. I can care without carrying. And I can still love deeply while choosing myself.
This is what boundaries look like. They’re not walls. They’re bridges—with gates I control.
The Clash of Generations: Understanding Our Parents
My parents—like many Filipino parents—grew up with very different realities. Their beliefs were shaped by scarcity, tradition, and survival. Education was a privilege. Mental health wasn’t discussed. Money was meant to be spent on others before yourself.
So naturally, my more modern beliefs—about therapy, financial independence, self-prioritization—clashed with theirs.
At first, this caused frustration. But later, I learned about generational trauma and cultural transmission—how beliefs, fears, and habits are passed down without intention. Once I saw them not as barriers, but as products of their own environments, I found compassion.
I started choosing intergenerational empathy—meeting them where they were, while gently inviting them into the present. I share what I’ve learned, but I no longer force change. If they don’t shift, it’s not a failure on my part. What matters is that I tried—with respect, not resentment.
My Husband, My Mirror, My Safe Place
Through all of this, my husband has been my safe space.
He never judged me for needing time, change, or clarity. He didn’t rush me to move on or pretend I was fine. He just stayed—calm, steady, kind.
His emotional maturity helped me reflect instead of react. His non-judgmental presence gave me courage to explore parts of myself I used to hide.
He taught me that love doesn’t need to be loud or dramatic. Sometimes it’s quiet, gentle, and deeply healing. In a world that often expects women to carry everything—he helps me set it all down and just be myself. If you would like to read how we got here, I shared it in our love story.
Financial Literacy: Finally Facing My Money Habits
I wish schools taught us more than just saving and spending. Like most people, I grew up thinking, “As long as I have savings, I’m okay.” But now I know—there’s so much more to financial literacy.
Thanks to r/phinvest on Reddit and some books like “The Psychology of Money: Timeless lessons on wealth, greed, and happiness”, I started learning about:
💼 Emergency Funds
“Aim for 3–6 months of expenses saved in cash” is a golden rule, especially in uncertain economies like ours. This means saving enough to cover your essential monthly expenses—food, rent, utilities, transportation, medications, debt payments—for 3 to 6 months in case of job loss, illness, or any unexpected crisis.
- Why in cash? It should be liquid and accessible, meaning placed in a high-yield savings account or digital bank (like Maya, CIMB, SeaBank) with no lock-in period. Avoid investing emergency funds in stocks or long-term instruments—they must be ready anytime.
- One tip from r/phinvest that stuck with me: Some users suggest building this gradually by setting aside at least 20% of your income, or starting with 1 month’s worth and slowly building it up.
📈 Index Funds
Index funds are one of the most recommended beginner investments in r/phinvest due to their simplicity, low cost, and long-term potential.
- What are they? Index funds are pooled investments that mirror the performance of a stock market index (like the PSEi in the Philippines or S&P 500 globally).
- Why are they low-risk? Because you’re diversifying automatically—you’re not betting on one company but a whole group of top-performing ones.
- Where to invest? Locally, options include First Metro Save and Learn Equity Index Fund, PhilEquity PSE Index Fund, or COL Financial EIP. For global exposure, platforms like GInvest, Seedbox, or eToro allow Filipinos to invest in international index funds like the S&P 500 or Vanguard funds.
- Ideal for: Passive investors, OFWs, or young professionals who want long-term wealth building without constantly monitoring the market.
🏦 Pag-IBIG MP2: A Government-Backed Alternative
If you’re looking for a lower-risk, government-backed savings option, many r/phinvest users recommend the Pag-IBIG MP2 (Modified Pag-IBIG 2) program as a great complement to index investing.
- Offers dividends averaging 6–7% annually, tax-free
- Requires only ₱500 minimum to start
- Comes with a 5-year lock-in period
- Perfect for conservative savers or short- to mid-term goals (like building a business fund, tuition savings, or home renovation)
✅ A balanced approach: Many Filipinos use both index funds and MP2 to balance growth and security in their portfolios. One for long-term wealth, the other for safer, mid-term savings.
🛡️ Insurance
In r/phinvest, insurance is often broken into two essential types:
- Health Insurance – Covers hospital bills and medical emergencies. This could be through PhilHealth, HMO plans (like Maxicare or Medicard), or private health insurance for better coverage.
- Life and Income Protection Insurance – Protects your family if something happens to you. This is especially crucial if you’re the breadwinner.
- Term Life Insurance is often recommended over VULs by the community for its affordable premiums and higher coverage.
- Why is this important? It’s a financial safety net. Without it, your emergency fund or savings might get wiped out after a single health crisis or accident.
💳 Lifestyle Inflation
Lifestyle inflation happens when you start spending more as you earn more. And it’s sneaky.
- Example: You get a salary increase and start dining out more, upgrading your gadgets, or buying more “wants” just because you can.
- While treating yourself is okay (and healthy in moderation!), r/phinvest reminds us that maintaining your lifestyle while increasing your savings/investments is the real flex.
- Tips to avoid it:
- Automate savings/investments right after payday.
- Follow the 50/30/20 rule (50% needs, 30% wants, 20% savings/investments).
- Reward yourself intentionally, not impulsively.
But more than the technical stuff, I realized my relationship with money was emotional.
Money was how I showed love. I’d treat friends, send help to relatives, even if it meant I was running low. Saying “I can’t afford this right now” felt like I was failing.
Now, I remind myself: You don’t have to go broke to prove your worth.
Generosity without boundaries leads to resentment. We can love others and still choose sustainability.
Psychology Helped Me Understand Myself
For the past few years, I’ve been deep in self-education. I started reading more about psychology and mental health, and I finally found words for what I’ve been feeling for years:
- Sunk cost fallacy – Staying stuck because of past investments.
- Imposter syndrome – Feeling like I’m faking competence, even when I’ve earned my place.
- Learned helplessness – Believing change isn’t possible because I’ve failed before.
- Confirmation bias – Only seeing what supports the belief that I’m “not good enough.”
- Emotional regulation – Learning how to feel without losing control.
- Inner child work – Revisiting past wounds with compassion, not shame.
Naming these things gave me power. I stopped blaming myself for “not being strong enough” and started understanding that healing is a process, not a personality flaw.
Books That Changed Me
Here are the books that offered me language, light, and liberation:
1. Sunk Cost Fallacy – Staying Stuck Because of Past Investments
“Misbehaving: The Making of Behavioral Economics” by Richard H. Thaler. Thaler shows why our choices are rarely as rational as economics assumes. Think of the sunk cost fallacy: we stay because we have invested so much, not because it still serves us.
2. Imposter Syndrome – Feeling Like I’m Faking Competence, Even When I’ve Earned My Place
“The Imposter Cure: Escape the Mind-Trap of Imposter Syndrome” by Dr. Jessamy Hibberd. Dr. Hibberd writes warmly and honestly about the fears and insecurities behind self-doubt, with expert, practical advice for understanding those feelings and building real self-belief.
3. Learned Helplessness – Believing Change Isn’t Possible Because I’ve Failed Before
“Learned Helplessness: A Theory for the Age of Personal Control” by Christopher Peterson, Steven F. Maier, and Martin E. P. Seligman. The authors explain how past experiences can teach us to feel powerless, and how learning to explain setbacks differently can restore optimism, resilience, and a sense of control.
4. Confirmation Bias – Only Seeing What Supports the Belief That I’m “Not Good Enough”
“Blindspot: Hidden Biases of Good People” by Mahzarin R. Banaji and Anthony G. Greenwald. Banaji and Greenwald explore the hidden biases that quietly shape how we see ourselves and others, often without our noticing them, and offer gentle ways to loosen their hold on our choicest.
5. Emotional Regulation – Learning How to Feel Without Losing Control
“Handbook of Emotion Regulation” edited by James J. Gross. It brings together research on how we learn to feel, and manage, our emotions across a lifetime, in words that make emotional control feel human, not clinical.
6. Inner Child Work – Revisiting Past Wounds with Compassion, Not Shame
“Recovery of Your Inner Child: The Highly Acclaimed Method for Liberating Your Inner Self” by Lucia Capacchione. Through gentle writing and drawing exercises, she helps readers reconnect with their younger selves and tend to old wounds with compassion, not shame.
What Turning 37 Is Helping Me Leave Behind
The pressure to fix everyone
For years, I carried the emotional weight of others—thinking it was my job to solve their problems, guide their paths, and hold them together. But I’ve learned that people need to walk their own journeys. I can offer love, but not rescue. That’s their growth, not mine to force.
The guilt of saying no
I used to feel selfish when I prioritized myself. Saying “no” made me anxious, like I was disappointing everyone. Now, I know that every “no” is a “yes” to my peace, time, and boundaries—and there’s no shame in that.
The need to over-explain my choices
I often felt the need to justify every decision—to family, to friends, even to myself. But not anymore. I’m learning that my life doesn’t need to be understood by everyone. My “why” belongs to me.
The fear of starting over
For too long, I believed that starting over meant failure. But I now see starting over as a sign of courage. A fresh chapter doesn’t erase the past—it honors it by making space for better things to come.
The weight of old expectations
The roles I was “supposed” to play—perfect daughter, selfless sister, dependable employee—no longer define me. Those expectations came from love, culture, and survival… but I’m free to choose my own rhythm now.
The myth that rest is laziness
Rest used to make me feel unproductive or guilty. But rest is a human need, not a weakness. It’s in stillness that I recharge, reflect, and rise stronger.
The illusion of control
I tried so hard to control outcomes—people, plans, timing. But control is often an illusion. What I’ve gained in letting go is far more valuable: trust, peace, and resilience.
What I’m Embracing
Healing as a journey, not a goal
Healing isn’t linear. It doesn’t have a finish line. I’ve learned that it’s okay to have setbacks, slow days, and unresolved pieces. Every step is still progress.
Rest as a form of resistance
In a world that glorifies productivity, choosing rest is revolutionary. Rest allows me to reclaim my energy, my voice, and my time. It’s how I say: I matter, even when I’m not “doing.”
Saying “no” as a full sentence
“No” doesn’t need a reason. It’s a complete sentence. A boundary. A form of self-respect. And I’ve learned that the people who love me will honor it without needing an explanation. It is the same heart behind choosing self-worth in modern dating: know your worth, set the boundary, and let it stand.
Financial and emotional sovereignty
With the love and support of my husband, I’ve learned what safe partnership looks like. But I also know that true sovereignty means building a life where I don’t rely on others for emotional approval or financial survival. I am learning to make choices from a place of clarity, not desperation—from self-trust, not fear. That, to me, is real power. And I’m claiming it one decision at a time.
Becoming without apology
I no longer shrink to make others comfortable. I’m not diluting who I am to fit into boxes I’ve outgrown. I’m becoming who I’ve always been—and I don’t owe anyone an apology for it.
Dreams I Used to Be Afraid to Say Out Loud
There were dreams I held in silence—writing, creating, traveling, building something of my own. I kept them hidden because I was told they were unrealistic, because I was made to believe I wasn’t capable.
I listened to voices that made me doubt myself, that told me I’d struggle or fail if I tried. But fear is no longer the loudest voice in the room. Now, I say my dreams out loud. I give them space to breathe. I believe in them. And more importantly, I finally believe in me.
To anyone else reading this:
If you’re in the middle of a life shift—whether it’s a career change, a family boundary, or just waking up to your own needs—please know you’re not alone.
You don’t have to earn rest. You don’t need permission to grow. You are allowed to become.
Here’s to healing, loving, and living—on our terms.
Here’s to becoming more ourselves with every year.🌿🌸
